All this Beauty

From a plane.

1.     Mt. peaks snow clouds and serene, full of stars.

2.     Lakes of darkness, dotted with tiny lights.

3.     City – a golden glow diffusing itself thru the smog. Hung between heaven and earth. 

Beautifully unreal.

As the plane started its upward ascent, I looked down to a scene of unsurpassable beauty, New York City with its millions of many colored lights was a glittering and moving mosaic. The higher we ascended, the less glittering it became until it was at last only a sea of darkness. When we approached Boston, a golden glow diffused itself thru the smog until the same glow of varied colors of light appeared as we saw when leaving New York. This trip had a strange relaxing effect on me, all this beauty was like a strong tranquilizing drug.  Soon I saw my son with Tom C. waiting for me - what a joy to see him again.  He insisted I stop at his dream place, restored {illegible} where he had worked so hard all summer long to reopen this learning place for disabled young people. 

Suddenly a woman, flashlight in hand, comes up the path checking lights in one of the restored buildings. Since I had come from Morocco to a very cold Massachusetts, I was too cold to explore with them. I was sent to the beautiful old home to warm myself. It was at first glance a store house for antiques, I noted sets of silver haphazardly displayed on sideboards. The stairway an unusual one had steps coming from both sides, meeting at a landing on second floor. The little room where I sat was cozy with its open fireplace. The kitchen a large one, had a row of windows extending length of one wall. All in disarray with no attempt to create beauty from such a conglomeration of things. 

circa 1976.

One week.

November 10.
Waited for Carol up at 6:30- signals mixed. Going by bus when Helen P., seated with me at bus stop son picked us up - Charleroi. (Looked at gray slacks - will be cheaper). Home at 11:15.  Rained (misty). Stopped in Jeans. Pat called James and Grace at 11. Told him not to come to Eileen's, leaving on Sunday. Johnnys.  Daddy much more amenable today.

November 11.
Mass at 11. Met Dona T. still as I do, ache for our two children (mass for Dave T.). Janet with her 2 boys was there. Called - talked to Ilsa. Dora visited. Lil there. Rosy called. Must call Dr. tomorrow.

November 12.
Armistice Day. Some schools closed. Rose, Joe, Mark came about 10. Joe fired in stove, burners on stove - cleaned it. Rose went to Foodland ($76), about $10 reduction with coupons. Is there a shortage of jobs here? Toy City booming. Called Amy on her birthday, talked to Suzy and Erin. Called Katy - talked to Heidi - Katy helping Matt with home work. (Get toy tomorrow for him.) Called Rosy--in den ironing. P., Mark watching television. Joey's first basketball game.

November 13.
Brighter, warmer. Bought Transformer at Toy City (15). Brought in more dahlia bulbs - some were getting soft (might be slugs), sprayed some. Others had earthworms attached, much healthier. Sent letters to Katy and Michael. Called Dora- spent day taking care of her knee. Felt fine otherwise. 50th anniversary celebration of Donald Duck. How remarkable the artists are who make these animated pictures! Lutheran Min. from Carrick sentenced to 90 days in jail - broke law.

Night Dream.
Ann, dressed in a brownish tweed suit, taking me in her car (another passenger) came to a section of road with red blinking lights - she reduced speed - stopped.
Next I was placed in a maze with no exit. (Sartre's No Exit). I ran from one section to another, no Ann.
Later outside with Ann, continuing nightmarish dream.  I will never forget her. (circled)

November 14.
Big sale at Millers. 50% off. Worked cleaning all day. Bathroom, moved furniture in Dining R., dusted etc. Wrote in my diary. Called Dora, still nursing her knee (ligaments pulled). Daddy - little intractable.  Bobby read book length news article about election.  I started it. Called Rosy about Fri. Highway 2 frig. Ask about General Ele. price. Comparing with Highway Appliance.
I must try to curb my anxiety.

November 15.
Rather's newscast - hunger in N. Africa is still intense. Afternoon magazine - reporting on a Satanic cult, try to turn children into evil beings. Johnnys. Met Pauline - Paula family Thanksgiving. Tom called. Coming. Susie has new job offers. Called H. Appliance - G. E. frig 689 deluxe or 669. Joe can get deluxe model for 549 (underlined 3 times). Seems unbelievable. Will this store take my old one away?

November 16.
Colder. Dug several more dahlia roots. Cleaned, washed curtains. Put up Daddy's room. Is the full moon causing his obstinacy? Called Jean. James, Grace called. Bernard wants them to come to his home for Thanksgiving. Talked to Mary - still crying - not as much.

November 17.
Cold morning. Carol took me to Kays - nails (repaired). I must use gloves when working with clorox. Millers - gray slacks still there (no reduction). Home on 11 bus. Sunshiny day but windy, cold. Stopped at Jeans. Home spotless, shiny. James will start radium treatments on Mon., cont Tues, Wed. No Thurs and Fri. Called Dora - hair done - wants to go to Mass at 6:00 (knee - not better). Joe home from Mexico.

November 18. Snow (mush). Mass - woman's place, so nonrelevant, I (secretly) laughed, amused. Priests know so little about family problems. (I get renewal from excluding their remarks and meditating on the Christian message).   Called Katy - will come on Thurs. Dora still trouble with knee but looked fine. Grace P. hospitalized (probable stroke). So many elderly people in Roscoe. Ilsa may get a scholarship.

The Spirit not the Letter

November 1, 1984.
Up before seven, heard Daddy.
Ready for Mass at 9:30 - walked - what a comforting philosophy. St. in heaven. Tomorrow All Souls Day. Must remember my beloved dead. K Her(rest is illegible)...me home. Saw Pauline, Mary Jo. Brief chat with Mary - insights into people's lives Mary gave me. I must not be too hasty to judge others. Johnnys-- met Dora (eyes were bad to-day but it was a bright day) she looked perfectly dressed as usual. Met Joyce G. in Johnnys--soon will graduate from C.U. two children gone, both on their own. Jean called. James is one in a million--no one would know that he is suffering. Reads, talks, interested in life, drives Grace to hairdresser. Mary coming with 2 daughters over weekend. Jean feels that it would shorten both lives if they left Clarksville.

November 2.
Windy and colder. Verona U. took most of flowers to decorate at Family Day observance in Corning. Gave me seeds. Bank, Johnnys. Reagan way up in polls. "Young must equate wisdom with age". Many back 73 year old actor Reagan as our leader in such troublesome times. One man cannot govern today. Took in all plants - frost forecast (mid 20's). Bobby cut grass again. I raked leaves around walnut tree. Sunny, blue skies but windy.

November 3.
First frost. Everything dead - one wonders how life would ever come again to these areas. Hair done - shopped briefly. Home 11:30. Johnnys. Visited Jean who brought me home - gave her 2 books to read. Burgan (sp?) came to service refrig. He suggested shopping for a new one - altho he would service it (about $180 - if I can get one as small as mine, do so - if not, he'll work on it).

November 4.
Superficial sermon. Although T. B. follows the ritual closely and is there when needed, he often fails to see below the surface. It's the spirit not the letter. Religion is communing with God within you.  I know I've a long way to go. I was remiss and feel sad - forgot to call Heidi on her birthday.  Katy was in Alex, Va. Mike, Tom, she ate dinner. She met Ronnie Reeves - walking in Washington. Judy in Boston. Dora still hobbling. Rosy called - had young Priest for dinner - he took Joey to Steelers game. No news from Clarksville. Rainy, rainy day. What are Doughertys doing? Must send Amy's card - call her next Sunday. Birthday is on 12 Monday. Called Tom 3X - no answer. Where are they?

November 5.
Spent time taking up some dahlia tubers, potted a begonia for Dora. Johnnys. Tom called. Judy home. Conference at school about Tommy. Thekla's letter - Pat at Sheila's babysitting. Colder at night.

November 6.
Rainy, cold. 40, with wind 20. Voted for Dem. nominees. As I predicted Reagan, the incompetent, is winning. Clean sweep of every state. (D. of Col. for Mondale). Sent Lynn's and Michael's letters.

November 7.
Reagan most inept President ever but popular, has won more electoral votes than any other Pres including Franklin D. Roosevelt. Mondale showed his colors, accepted his defeat gracefully, (TV not good to him and he is not good on it) will not seek public office again. Ferraro on TV with husband. Sent Amy's card - letter to Thekla, picked up more dahlia bulbs. Met Dora. Daddy restless. Jean called. James and Grace getting along well. Rosy called. May come on Mon. to clean stove and put in screens.

November 8.
Cold morning, sunny, warmer afternoon - clothes dried outside. Cleaned one bedroom, dug up about 50 dahlia bulbs - talked to Dora. Mary's Dr. - Lill P drove her--asked Lill to come in office when he told her. Hospitalized (Pitt.) She'll do so when Joe returns from his Mexico vacation. Dan Rather news - again pictures of starvation in North Ethiopia-so pitiful, many under 5 yrs. Many take hazardous trip by foot to Catholic Shelter - some are saved. (So much wasted food here, nothing there).

November 9.
Rained all day. Was Daddy not feeling well? Ate everything I gave him but Tom Webb felt something was wrong after he shaved him (Tom, Betty leaving by car with John and Delores for Fla on Tues. I'll miss them). Cleaned bathrooms upstairs. (Letter and how I love to get them from Michael). Erin scouting for her school next yr. Must call on Amy's birthday. Johnnys. Sent to Country Curtains.